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Join the Jewish Human Rights Activists for Equal Rights for Muggers, Robbers and Thieves
By Rabbi Ray X
One of the more neglected groups of people whose human rights have been seriously trampled and ignored are muggers, robbers and thieves. More specifically I am referring to those Jews who have been incarcerated for committing 'crimes' which merely involves transferring funds from one needy soul to another.
Although I am a qualified Rabbi, I find the pay at my present post inadequate to support my self and my growing family. In order that I not become a public burden, that I may not place the burden of myself and family on charitable organizations, I have joined the dedicated ranks of enterprising entrepreneurs who enjoy having their own business, being their own boss, and who enjoy being a part of sharing the wealth of those who are fortunate with those less fortunate. In this manner I am able to bring out the best of my total personality and fulfill myself while helping eradicate hunger, which I need not point out is helping President Obama's economic stimulus plan.
Yet there are those bigoted and biased people amongst us who believe that what I do labels me as a criminal and relegates me to a 'second-class' citizen. They point to the holy words of the Torah in mock piety to show that taking money or property which does not belong to me is forbidden. First of all, let me emphasize that these so called holier-than-thou people have it wrong all wrong! Each person is commanded to help out the next. The Torah itself praises the giving of charity and the Rambam mentions that one who causes another person to give of his money to the needy is credited with a mitzvah. I am a facilitator! I aid those who have extra cash to share it with others less fortunate (and this money goes back into the economy, hence aiding in the economic world financial recovery).
There are those disgusting and gross individuals whose minds are still in the middle ages who believe that a sin is a sin. but I ask you: what is the difference between me and a homosexual? I help others to help the poor by aiding them in giving alms. I am helping President Obama get our economy moving by going out and making purchases. For real thieves (not like me since I am a pious and good hearted family man) the Torah proscribes a punishment of returning the money to the owner, no jail, no death. For a homosexual who does not help share the wealth, the Torah requires the death penalty, not life imprisonment, no monetary fines, and certainly no probation.
How can you condone a crime (homosexuality) that carries the death penalty and condemn a person who (if it were true that it is stealing) only has to return the money? Isn't that being hypocritical? Therefore is it not logically clear that we robbers, muggers and thieves who put our life on the line to help share the wealth with those less fortunate, who merely aid these depressed individuals in their time of need, that they may hold their heads up high in society and not be embarrassed should be given better treatment in the media and in the press that homosexuals?
I do not want to physically assault anyone. If I use a gun or a knife while I ply my trade then it is only for the effect but not (G-d forbid) to harm any person. We robbers, thieves and muggers do not bother innocent children, perhaps we lean a bit on old ladies, but they are so sweet, they remind us of our dear grandmothers who were so generous in giving us some money when we needed it. Why should we be incarcerated!? Homosexuals who do prey on children are respected in the press. We only ask the same courtesy, the same understanding that these perverted souls so graciously receive from not only the press, but also from politicians and ministers of most faiths.
I am therefore asking you, dear reader, to stand up for our equal rights, that we robbers, thieves and muggers be accorded the same understanding, the same high social status as homosexuals. Support equal rights and sign the petition for equal rights for robbers, thieves and muggers, log on to our web site at www.petitionforequalrightsforrobbersthievesmuggers.com and make your voice heard don't be part of the herd!
Bio: Rabbi X, Ray serves on the pulpit of a locally known and recognized synagogue, is the father of six healthy and happy children and is married to the same woman for twenty seven years. He has four grandchildren. With out turning to any organization for help, he managed to feed, clothe, educate them and marry them off in a fashion becoming a talented man of the cloth. Rabbi X. began mugging while attending seminar in NYC where he was trained by the famous Two Guns Smiley and Jaws Wilson and has gone on to lecture on the need to help people share the wealth in some of the greatest universities while pick pocketing the deans' wallets.
from the June 2009 Edition of the Jewish Magazine
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