Humor: the Wandering Phone

    August 2010            
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The Wandering Phone

By E. Fishman

Chapter One : A Wish Comes True

Once upon a time there lived a phone named Phil in the land of Israel. Phil the Phone was really purchased for trips to the U.S.A. He was equipped with all the technology for calling in the U.S., but could also be used in Israel. After lying around in the closet for months on end, Phil started to get a bit antsy…

“When am I going to get to go for another trip?” he said. “It's stuffy in here. I want to be on the road again!”

Now of course all our prayers are heard, and so it wasn’t long before Phil’s wish was answered…

“Sam, did you get a phone for our trip to the U.S.?” Mrs. Levy asked.

“Yes, Harvey Abrams is lending me his U.S. trip phone,” answered Mr. Levy.

So off the phone went, first to the airport, then to Italy for an overnight stay, and finally to New York. Little did Phil the Phone know what was in store for him.

Chapter Two: Back in the U.S.A.

“At last, back in the U.S.” said Phil the Phone. “This is great riding around in Grandpa Levy’s car, going to a Bar Mitzvah, and all the other fun…But it’s only two more days and it’s back to my stuffy closet. Whatever am I going to do?”

So this is when Phil devised a plan…

“I know what I will do,” said Phil. “I will hide in Grandpa’s car where they won’t be able to find me. Hmm…Yesterday I noticed that there is a hole in the dashboard. So next time they put me up there, I will just simply crawl in that hole!”

And that is exactly what Phil the Phone did.

“Where did the phone go?” Dave Levy asked his Dad. “Wasn’t it up on the dashboard?”

I’ll call it,” said Mr. Levy. “Hmm…Where is that ringing coming from? It sounds like it’s coming from inside the dashboard. Oh No!!! It must have fallen into the air-conditioning unit!”

Chapter Three : On the Road Again

“This is a great hiding place. They will never find me,” said Phil the Phone. “Not much of a view from here but this is the life!”

Meanwhile Mr. Levy and Dave tried to get the phone out. Dave had long, thin arms, and maybe he could reach it. But no, it was just not possible. And there were other, more important things they needed to do. Mr. Levy had promised to take Dave up to Connecticut, and it was either now or never. ..

“What’s all that banging going on?” said Phil the phone. Oh, quiet at last. And yes, the motor is starting. Oh good another trip in Grandpa’s car. Too bad I can’t see the view from here.”

So as Mr. Levy and Dave drove up to Connecticut, with the hum and vibration of the engine and definite lack of scenery from inside the air conditioner, Phil the Phone fell fast asleep.

Chapter Four: Hopelessly Stuck

With only one day left till their return to Israel, it was time to return Grandpa Levy’s car to … Grandpa.

“Hi Grandpa,” Dave said.

“How you doing, Dave?” replied Grandpa…”Hey! Where’s that ringing coming from?”

“Oh, a cell phone fell down into the air conditioning unit,” Mr. Levy answered. “We tried to get it out but to no avail. I brought it to a mechanic but he said that it would cost more than the phone is worth to get it out. So I guess we’ll just have to leave it in there!”

“Maybe next time I go to my mechanic I’ll ask him if he can get it out without too much trouble. You never know,” said Grandpa.

So after a lengthy conversation, Mr. Levy and Dave said their goodbyes to Grandpa Levy, and Phil the Phone smiled to himself: “I get to stay in America!”

Chapter Five: The Trusted Mechanic

“I was planning to take the car to the mechanic this morning. You want to come along for the ride?” Grandpa Levy asked Grandma.

“No thanks Ben, I’ll pick you up later. Don’t forget to ask about the phone. Maybe he can manage to take it out,” Grandma answered.

“Well, if it won’t take too much time and won’t cost too much,” said Grandpa.

So off Grandpa drove to his mechanic. He wondered if he would have to wait a long time for service, but when he arrived the shop was still fairly quiet.

“Hi Ben,” said Karl the mechanic. “You’re here bright and early. What can we do for you today?”

“You know me, early to bed and early to rise. Plus, I like to stick to my plans whenever possible, and get to appointments on time.”

“Yeah, we like to stay on schedule here too when we can,” Karl answered, “but you never know when something unexpected might come up. Do you just want the usual check-up today?”

“Yeah, do a check-up and tune-up like usual,” said Grandpa with a smile, and remembering what Grandma had said to him added: “Could you also take a look inside the air-conditioner? I think a phone fell down in there…But if it is too difficult just leave it. It’s not an expensive phone. So only do it if it is not too much trouble and won’t cost too much.”

“Sure thing,” said Karl the mechanic.

And off Grandpa went leaving his car in trusted hands.

Chapter Six: The Mix Up

“Hey Karl, you got a phone call,” said Bonzo.

As Karl was talking on the phone, Bonzo could see that Karl did not look too happy.

“Joe’s in the hospital. I want to go visit him,” said Karl. “Do you think you could take over for a while? Ben Levy brought his old Chevy in. Do the usual tune-up on it and see if you can look in the air-conditioning unit. There may be a phone down there,” said Karl, forgetting to tell him not to put much time and effort into it, being upset and all.

“Sure thing, Karl. Give my regards to Joe. I hope he is not too sick,” said Bonzo.

And off Karl drove to visit his friend in the hospital leaving Bonzo all alone.

Two hours later…

“Stupid, lousy phone!” screamed Bonzo. “Every time I manage to grab it, it seems to jump back in the hole before I can get it out.”

So Bonzo, not wanting to disappoint Ben and Karl, kept at it for another half hour.

“Ouch!” said Phil the phone. “Who keeps on poking me with that wire? And what is all that screaming out there?”

It wasn’t long before Phil found out.

“There, I finally got you, you slippery critter”, said Bonzo as he grabbed Phil the phone after 3 hours.

Phil could no longer resist, especially when he saw the look on Bonzo’s face. “No telling what he will do to me,” said Phil, behaving like the best phone he knew how to be.

So when Grandpa came the next day to pick up his car, he was pleasantly surprised to see that the phone was out of the air-conditioner, and a bit unpleasantly surprised to see the bill.

Chapter Seven: Phil the Phone Travels to Israel and Back

After Phil the phone was rescued from the air-conditioner, he mistakenly traveled to California with Dave. Then Dave put Phil in a package and mailed him to Israel, but the package somehow disappeared for 2 months. Unexpectedly, the package showed up again at Dave’s stamped “undeliverable”. Then Phil the phone traveled to the Shomron with Mrs. Goodman, and finally made it back to Jerusalem.

The End till Phil’s next adventure…





from the August 2010 Edition of the Jewish Magazine

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