Jewish Magazine Joke and Humor Page

            January 2014    
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It Ain't Jewish, but Funny as H*ll

In parochial school students are taught that lying is a sin. However, instructors also advised that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings: Getting a Hair dryer through Customs.

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her:

'Father, may I ask a favor?

'Of course child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'

With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.' When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first.

The Customs officer asked: 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'

The officer thought this answer strange, so asked: 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the officer said: 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'

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Is Nothing Sacred?

Morris was passing a small courtyard and heard voices murmuring. He went in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said 'N I L'. White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to The Great Nullity, The Blessed Emptiness, and The Big Zero in the Sky.

Morris turned to a white-robed observer beside him and whispered, "Is Nothing Sacred?"

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How to Set an Example

One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor husband behind his back. I think that's so rude.

Look at me! My husband is fat, lazy and cheap; but have you ever heard me bad-mouth him?"

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from the January 2014 Edition of the Jewish Magazine

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