Yom Kippur under my father's tallit



   
    September High Holiday 2009            
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My Father's Tallis (Prayer Shawl)

By Jenny Wright

Smells can stir up old memories. Long forgotten and sometimes wistful memories that we wish would remain buried.

It was like that one Yom Kippur on the Jewish Day of Atonement when I took some solitude away from the main synagogue and quietly slipped into the small silent sanctuary where only a few were deep into quiet prayer on one of the holiest day in Judaism.

There were Tallises (prayer shawls) and prayer books by the door entrance and instinctively, I picked up a man's Tallis. Having grown up in a strict orthodox home, tallises were something I was accustomed to seeing on the men in our religious community, but never on a woman.

It was with some uncertainty that I slowly and carefully wrapped the tallis around my head and shoulders. I sat on a bench and the tallis encompassed me. I felt safe and protected. Here one could forget about life's many demands and hectic schedules. Alone with one's self, with no distractions – a time to delve into the inner soul. Particularly on such a holy day.

The only sense that seemed to be operating for me at that time was smell. As I breathed in I caught faint whiffs of the tallis. Tears welled in my eyes as I connected with the scent……..

My father's Tallis. I'm 5 years old and I'm hiding in my father's long and plentiful tallis. My father is standing, davening (praying) in unison with many other men. Some of whom, are my uncles. Nearby is my brother. Also vying for tallis space. My mother, sister and aunts are upstairs peering down at the service below. I am permitted downstairs with the men because I am little. Who can see me anyway? Nestled comfortably between my father's chest and tallis I am content.

The tallis feels like the wings of an angel. Safe and nurturing. "No harm can ever happen to anyone in here" I think to myself.
It is a long and monotonous Shabbat service for a 5 year old so I stay in there and play with the Tsistiot (fringes) wrapping them around dad's and my fingers and braiding them. There are 613 knots and wrappings on them which signify the 613 Jewish commandments. So I'm amused for a long time.

Then my father is called to the Bimah. As a Cohen (a priest) he has a special honor and is called upon to bless everyone. The tallis is pulled from me as I watch him hurriedly walk to the Bimah and cover his head and hands with the tallis. The Cohenim, must be covered as they are calling for the holy presence of G-D.

I know it's my father up there, nevertheless these gentle people transform into ghostly mummified figures swaying vigorously from side to side with arms outstretched. But the soothing overtones of their deep melancholy humming is as calming as a lullaby and my fears evaporate.

We were not allowed to look towards the Cohenim at such a holy time. But we kids always did, in the hope of catching a glimpse of angels or G-D. There is a hushed silence in the congregation as all listen and feel blessed by these men.

My father returns to his bench and I to his tallis. He pulls a snuff box out of his pocket and sniffs it. It has a strong overbearing smell but somehow it blends into the tallis, along with Judaism, Synagogue, Father and Uncles. The service finally ends. With utmost care my father folds up his tallis. Perhaps with more care than he would fold a shirt. I've enjoyed special time with my father. Eager to play I join my mother, sister and friends.

What did my family do with that Tallis when my father died one year later?

I wonder as I sit in the sanctuary. More than likely, and according to Jewish law, it was buried with him. Now 40 years later and 7,000 miles from my hometown, I am wearing a tallis that is now public property. It too may have had a story. It could have sheltered many an adult and child. The history may have been brief, but it is universal. It's familiar cloth and Tsisiot will always be family.

~~~~~~~

from the September High Holiday 2009 Edition of the Jewish Magazine

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